““Let your alignment with well-being be first and foremost, and let everything else be secondary.” - Abraham Hicks

I am an advocate of adopting a ‘self-care first’ approach to life. I believe this brings freedom, vitality and joy. I have only come to this realization after ending up, aged 37, chronically stressed and burned out. I was anxious, depressed, highly stressed and unable to function. That was in 2017. I am pleased to say that life looks and feels very different now!

If you’d asked me then what self-care was, I’d probably say it’s eating your vegetables, taking exercise and managing your personal care. Nothing more. Yes, these are components of self-care, but only a tiny part of it. As I learned from my own experience, true ‘self-care first’ can only happen from a place of self-love, compassion, worthiness and deserving.

Many of us are conditioned early in life to please others. To conform in society, culturally, in school and at home. In some cases, as in my own experience, a parent or care-giver can unknowingly place excessive responsibility onto a child for their happiness. Perhaps a child is in the presence of an unpredictable parent or caregiver. In the uncertainty of how said parent/caregiver might respond in any given moment, the child learns to do everything they possibly can to please and appease. In the eyes of a child, this is essential for safety, security and survival.

How does it relate to self-care?

Over time, circumstances such as these slowly diminish a child’s spirit. Their sense of spontaneity and fun is squashed. This eventually leads to feelings of shame, guilt, and an over-responsibility for the feelings and happiness of others. Perfectionism sets in, emotions are repressed, self-worth and self-esteem are damaged and so the spiral begins.

Underneath all of this, limiting beliefs may have formed. Beliefs such as “everyone else first.” “I don’t matter.” “their unhappiness is my fault.” “There’s something wrong with me if I can’t keep everyone else happy.” “I’m not good enough.” Can you see how the pressure is building and how our own self-care might be pushed further down the list of priorities? In many cases, this is subconscious. We don’t even know that these beliefs exist within us.

Whilst this may sound quite overwhelming, there is good news. If this is resonating with you, please know that it doesn’t have to be that way. No matter your starting point, it is never too late to make changes – because you are worthy of wellness. Everyone is. In the words of Abraham Hicks “Let your alignment with well-being be first and foremost, and let everything else be secondary”.

Imagine this

Consider what the world would be like if we were all taught self-awareness, self-connection, self-kindness, self-compassion, the healthy setting of boundaries and saying ‘no’ as acts of self-care? What if we were taught that it is essential to health to be nurtured and nourished? And that leisure, play and fun were also acts of self-care? What if we were encouraged at home and at school to cultivate a fundamental belief that we are worthy?

If you are reading this and reflecting on your own life, you might be wondering where to start. Perhaps you’re already judging yourself for not having ‘better’ self-care practices. My invitation to you is to take the pressure off and release the judgement. Could this be your first act of self-care? Practice observing your inner narrative with curiosity whilst you keep reading.

More carrot, less stick

Do you want to lead yourself through life with a nice juicy carrot? Or do you want to lead yourself with a rather unpleasant stick? Personally, I recommend choosing the carrot option! I often remind myself “less stick, more carrot, Carli!” Once you’ve chosen the carrot, you have taken a big step and set your reward motivation in place. Now, it’s time to start with your new self-care regime.

Begin incrementally and gently. Slow down and come back to yourself through your breath and by finding stillness. It can feel like a tender process at times. In truth, this isn’t just a journey to self-care, but a journey back to yourself. You will slowly return to the innate wisdom and intelligence of your body, just as nature intended.

Choosing a new way

It’s time to step away from the onslaught of external input and information overload. Come out of your head and drop into your heart to begin cultivating a place of stillness within. Time in nature is miraculous for this - my number one self-care recommendation! Through the quiet and the stillness, you will begin to hear the whispers and the wisdom that exist within you.

Your body houses your inner guidance system. If you’re tuned in, it will tell you everything you need to know. Your body is wiser and more intelligent that you have been led to believe. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to learn how to listen to its wisdom and to interpret the messages being sent; then to respond to the care your body is asking for. Think of it this way: Your body is your vehicle through life, and you wouldn’t ignore the engine management system light in your car, would you?

As you begin this inner journey, you will start to sift out what’s not yours and what no longer serves you. This could be thoughts, repressed emotions, beliefs, your career paths, relationships, lifestyle choices and everything else in-between. It’s a courageous step, but it’s worth it! I liken it to sorting out the loft or garage. You’ll be discovering stuff you didn’t even know you had! You might wonder how on earth you came to be in possession of what you find.

As you go on this journey of building self-awareness and re connecting with yourself, you may start to notice that your inner world is reflected back at you in your outer world. Did you know that we attract into our lives what we hold within us? Imagine what you might attract if self-care, self-love, self-compassion and self-worth were your default!

The sifting and sorting process might not always be pleasant. Imagine what you might find hidden in the dark corners. Perhaps you come across a rat and some creepy crawlies (old beliefs and repressed emotions) that look and feel less than desirable. In those moments you come to a choice point. You can leave them where they are, letting them eat whatever they scavenge for (your self-worth, perhaps), or - my preference and recommendation - you can let them go and, as a result, set yourself free!

Come back to your heart

By coming back to your breath and your heart, and through non-judgmental observation and slowing down, you will cultivate greater levels of self-care. It’s important to remember that everything you were holding onto served a purpose at some point in your life. As you let it go, do so with gratitude for the role it played. Acknowledge that it’s no longer serving you. You are now creating beautiful space for the new. For the true YOU and cultivating self-care first into your life. This is radical self-care and an incredible journey back to wellness and vitality.

Living in this intentional way is you leading by example. In doing so, you inspire others to care more for themselves too. Perhaps pause and think for a moment: What did you learn from your parents or caregivers about self-care? What behaviours or beliefs did you observe in them that you can also see in yourself? How were you influenced by those around you? And the most important question: How would you like to do it differently? You will feel increasingly empowered with each step you take in this new direction.

Simply by living it and emanating your new-found sense of self and wellbeing, others will notice and ask what you are you doing differently. This creates a wonderful ripple effect, one-person at a time.

Can you imagine what kind of world we would be living in if we all practiced daily radical self-care?

Imagine how resourced you will feel!

Imagine the capacity you will have to live your life to its fullest potential. Imagine if this was integrated into communities, families, education establishments and the workplace.

It would be amazing wouldn’t it?

What now?

Sometimes, we need a little guidance along the way when trying to make sustainable changes in life. There might be limiting beliefs and behavioral patterns that are keeping you stuck in old habits and ways of thinking, making it difficult for you to cultivate your new approach to self-care.

So, if you would like to learn the powerful techniques that I personally use for myself, to help you shift into your new way of being, get in touch to find out more about how I can support you with guided self-healing.

Book your free 30-minute call with me HERE.