Self-care last or self-care first?

The moment you stop doing what you’ve always done, and start to make different (and aligned) decisions for your wellbeing, you will, at first be met with fear.

You are doing something you’ve never done before (in this case, taking care of yourself) and you may notice the voice of doubt rising to greet you.  You may have a team of inner ‘protectors’ that, for a long time, had a really hard job to keep you safe – but the way they’ve always done it is no longer sustainable.

What does the voice of doubt sound like?

Is there an inner protest taking place, encouraging you to go back to your old, unsustainable and exhausting ways?  Is there a voice of catastrophe, shouting at you all the things that will go wrong if you don’t keep going, push through, say yes, and do all the things? Or, perhaps this voice tells you you’re lazy, selfish and good for nothing if you start putting yourself first? 

At some point in your life, doing, pleasing & appeasing, with you being last on the list, may have been necessary (perceived or real) for your survival.

But now, you’ve realised it needs to change, and you’re committed to a new way of being: 

The way of self-care first

When those protector voices arise, can you meet them with compassion, kindness and gratitude for all that they’ve done so far? Can you explain that it’s time now to take a different approach. One that will lead to a healthier, more vibrant life in the long run? 

Deconditioning from the old ways

As I undertake my own journey of de-conditioning from the cultural pressures to be, do and have it all, I continue to meet these parts within myself.  I do exactly as I have described above, and I start each day intentionally with an act of self-care and a daily affirmation.

Maybe you could try it for yourself?  Go to the mirror and say:

“Today, I practice sacred self-kindness, compassion & connection. Peace, love & serenity reside within me.  I am present and grounded, knowing I am worthy of the deepest levels of self-care.”

Or, create one for yourself.  Making it feel really nourishing and wholesome for your mind, body heart and soul!

Investing in yourself now, will prevent consequences down the line – such as burnout, exhaustion, fatigue, chronic stress and other illness.

All the information you need is held within your body.  It is always communicating with you.  The trick is to learn how to listen.  It is likely you’ve been trained out of listening, and so the subtle cues it gives you are easily missed.

Cultivating this art of listening, and then responding, facilitates your body’s natural and innate ability to heal.  I cannot emphasis this enough, having learned it the hard way.

Cultivate a practice of noticing & listening

Can you begin to notice your patterns of over exertion? Over commitment? Over indulging?  Can you hear your body’s response?  Are you over extending yourself to the point that it has become detrimental to your wellbeing?

What arises in you when you listen?

I sometimes notice a conflict within me. My body is saying ‘no’. Giving me a clear signal to decline whatever it is. And then my mind ramps up with the narrative – what if this, what if that? You’re a terrible person if you say no. How can you be so lazy. You really should do the thing….etc.

But now, I’ve learned to listen to the wisdom of my body, and I feel so much better for it. The mind will quieten with time and intentional practice.

Joy of Missing Out (JOMO)

Sometimes, creating space for yourself is uncomfortable. I know for me, and others, there’s a craving for time alone, for spaciousness – and yet, when it comes, it feels uncomfortable.

It goes against our outward-facing culture, and it goes against what you’ve always done.  So at first it might be clunky.  Think of it is a practice to cultivate and enjoy nourishing space for yourself.  You can build on it incrementally over time, and I promise it becomes wonderful! 

You’ll no longer feel like you’re missing out on the outside world, and you’ll engage in a more intentional way, picking & choosing when to be outwards facing, and when to be inwards, in a way that feels absolutely divine, for you.

Find your natural rhythm

For women that still bleed, your menstrual cycle is a powerful way to harness your natural rhythms to create space for self-care.  Books such as Wild Power, by Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlizer, can support you on this journey. 

For men, and those that no longer have a monthly bleed, you will still have your own natural rhythms and cycles. Perhaps you can draw on inspiration from nature, with its seasons, night & day, and planetary cycles. We do not have daylight 24/7. Flowers do not bloom 24/7.  So, why should you be expected to?

A final note

When you put your self-care last, you are undermining your body’s innate and powerful wisdom.

Sadly, it’s a product of our culture today, but it’s time for change.

Society will have you THINK your way through life.  It will sell you millions of quick-fix beauty products.  But will it teach you how to really listen to your body, care for yourself, inside and out?

No. At least, not yet. 

It’s time to cultivate this for yourself, and in doing so, you will inspire others to do the same.

The reality is, your body is wise, intuitive and communicative.  My invitation to you is to take the time to tune in and cultivate that very special relationship between you and your body.

After all, you’re with this body for the entirety of your life, so why not take the greatest care of it?

If you feel called for some assistance to really help you transform your wellbeing, in a sustainable and empowering way, please get in touch and book a free 30-minute consultation. 

Book your free 30-minute call here:

https://link.feacreate.com/widget/bookings/vitality-discovery-call